I am Wang Shantian, 64-year-old, a native of Guangrao County, Shandong Province. I had a son and a daughter, but both of them died because of my obsession with Falun Gong. I was extremely regretful about my wrongdoings. If they were alive, I would have had grandchildren, and enjoyed a happy life with them. But now, I had to live lonely with my wife with tears full of our eyes.
I began to practice Falun Gong in 1997. Since then, I had not taken care of the crops. I believed it useless to grow crops because my savings was enough to support us for three years to the year 2000, in which that Li Hongzhi promised we would achieve consummation. But we did not achieve consummation in the year 2000. Then Li Hongzhi told us that it would take another 10 years for us to achieve consummation, which meant in the year 2012. I thought I could live through the years by cutting my living expenses. Therefore, I continued to devote myself to Falun Gong. As a result, I got increasingly obsessed. In order to improve my practice, I bought a lot of things relevant to Falun Gong, including books, tapes, protective talisman and portraits of Li Hongzhi. I kept some of these things for myself, and gave some to other people. I bought a lot of paints to paint slogans on the wall. I also printed a number of leaflets and distributed them to the public. As a farmer, growing crops is my only way to make money. If I don’t grow crops, I would earn nothing. Since I did not have income, my life went from bad to worse. When my neighbors built their new houses, I had to live in the shabby home. When my neighbors bought color TV and decent sofa, I still used the black-white TV and a worn sofa. If my children had not given me some money, I would not have had money to buy food.
I devoted myself to Falun Gong. I was nearly illiterate, but I copied the book Zhuan Falun twice, and read it for countless times. Zhuan Falun was the only book I read. I also turned a deaf ear to what TV and other people said. I spent my time practicing Falun Gong, sitting in meditation, burning incense and praying, looking forward to the day of my consummation. Since Li Hongzhi advocated us to give up fame, wealth and emotion to become immortal, I did not care for my relatives, my neighbors, and even my children. Falun Gong meant anything to me. After Falun Gong was outlawed by government, Li Hongzhi encouraged us to go out to publicize Falun Gong. Then I followed his direction. I visited the Tian’anmen Square in Beijing to “appeal”, which meant to make disturbance, to hold demonstration and to humiliate the Communist Party. I often went out at mid-night to distribute Falun Gong leaflets, and to paint slogans on walls, on trees and on wire poles. Afterwards, I persuaded other people to withdraw from the Communist Party, from the Communist Youth League or from the Young Pioneers. I was so obsessed that I was considered mental disordered. But I did not realize my fault. Now I realized that I was just a tool of Falun Gong, no different from a walking corpse.
My children grew up to the age of marriage. I did not worry about my daughter because it was easy for a girl to find a husband. But I had to help my son find a wife. Since I kept little contact with other people, few matchmakers came to make a proposal of marriage. Moreover, my family was too poor to attract a girl. After Falun Gong was outlawed, my daughter advised me for several times to give up Falun Gong. But I turned a deaf ear to her advice. My daughter warned me that if I continued to practice Falun Gong, she would kill herself. But I did not take her warning seriously. I thought it was a test through which Li Hongzhi helped me get rid of emotion. But my daughter hanged herself. I was so obsessed at that time that I did not feel sad about the death of my daughter. I thought that I passed the test and was satisfied with myself. Now I don’t understand why I was so silly at that time. My behaviors made my son very sad. He left me and went to work in Dongcheng Trade Center, which was about 100 Li away. He had been away from home for a few years. Afterwards, he set up his own business of installing doors and windows. His business was booming, and he bought a house. Then he had a girlfriend. In the summer 2011, he and his girl friend came home to discuss their wedding. When his girl friend knew that I was a Falun Gong practitioner, she asked my son to advise me to give up Falun Gong. She said if I did not give up Falun Gong, she would break up with my son because it was unlikely to live a peaceful life with a Falun Gong follower. My son advised me for several times, but I did not take his advice. Then the girl left him. At that time, my son was in his thirties. He had difficulty finding a girl friend, but his beloved girl left him because of me. The disappointment in love gave my son a heavy blow. He warned me that my practice of Falun Gong would be a barrier to his marriage. But I did not respond to his warning. With full grief, my son killed himself by drinking some farm chemicals. The death of my son sobered me up. I was in deep grief for a year. Reflecting upon what I had done in the past 10 years, Falun Gong was the root of my misfortune.
Photo of Wang Shantian